


I'm Not Bruised (Baby, They're Party Smudges)

by orphan_account



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Abandonment, Aftermath of Torture, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Blood and Gore, Codependency, Complicated Relationships, Depression, Dissociation, F/F, Families of Choice, Family Drama, Female Friendship, Forgiveness, Gen, Graphic Description of Corpses, Loneliness, Loss of Trust, Platonic Cuddling, Platonic Kissing, Platonic Soulmates, Possessive Behavior, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protectiveness, Scars, Self-Discovery, Trauma, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-09 22:48:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20125108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It's only been three years but it feels like a lifetime since the Cullen's left her behind in Forks to a fate worse than death and Bella really doesn't have time to play family - not until Victoria is well and throughly dead.It's a wonder how she finds herself in these situations, really.-Or: life has a funny habit of putting Bella in situations she really rather wouldn't be in and the road to recovery is a hazardous one indeed.





	1. James and Isabella

Bella lies bound and bruised, pupils pinpricks in the brown of her eyes and a red haired vampire pulling her hair roughly back to bare a pale throat, teeth flashing before they snapped down– nearly crushing her windpipe as they sealed tight, breaking through skin with a brush of a cool air when Victoria breathed out almost like a sigh.

It hurts.

But.

The world has been hurting for a long time now and she’s feverish, her body badly inflamed where dirt had gotten into deep gorges of her flesh, her shirt and hair wet from perspiration and so cold despite the heat of the sun casting its glow down upon them, lightning up the vampire’s skin into a glitter of diamonds.

She feels the burn like the beginning of a bad rash as Victoria pulls back, licking blood from her lips with a satisfied little hum before leaning down to nuzzle gently against her neck.

“You’ll want to find me,” Victoria says as Bella’s mouth twists, pain creeping and growing, her breathing picking up and nails digging into the sand beneath her back where her arms had been tied tight with ropes. “You’ll want to kill me but that feeling of wanting revenge? It’ll never come anywhere near to what I felt when you took James from me.”

“You- killed Mom,” Bella rasps, throat try.

“Human lives are fleeting,” Victoria scoffs, red eyes lingering on the bruised and bleeding throat of the other, at her mark left so plainly for anyone to see. “You won’t understand what it means to loose until you’ve spent centuries together with someone only to have them torn away from you because of _food._”

Her fingers touches, gliding down a bare chest and the soft swell of pale breasts, nails tearing a sharp line of bubbling blood as Bella’s muscles coiled, panic growing in her eyes as the liquid fire spread through her veins, a gasped breath becoming a half-sob of mounting hysteria.

“But don’t worry, I’ll make sure you won’t forget about me,” Victoria promises as she leans forward and drags her tongue flat over the open wound, the sting barely registering to Bella’s senses as a hand pressed down on her belly and teeth snaps down into the soft flesh of her breast with relish before drawing back and snapping down again.

And again.

And **_again_**.

The sting of the desert sun is bright above them – miles upon miles of empty stretches of sand and rocks where a lone coyote lifts its head with a flick of its ears as the first scream rang out, loud and desperate and hunted by a delighted sort of laughter.

-

Bella tilts her head, watching the bunny do the same with a little twitch of its nose and ears pinned straight up, tiny heart beating a mile a minute.

“That’s strange,” the shop owner comments as the thing practically dives for the protective walls of the tiny house amidst the hay. “He’s normally a social thing, our little Leo.”

“Most animals don’t really like me,” Bella comments idly as she straightens up, the orange tinted sunglasses on her nose hiding the strange shade of her eyes as she dipped gloved hands into her front pocket and scooped up a tiny mouse with sleek yellow fur and large black eyes. “I’m here for this guy anyway. His favourite snacks went out of stock and it’s the only thing he’ll eat so I’ve been doing all sorts of searching to find a store selling it.”

The shop owner tilts her head. “So you travelled all the way to Alaska for mouse snacks?”

“I travelled all the way to Alaska for mouse snacks,” Bella agrees as she drops the small creature onto the counter and fishes for her phone with her left while pulling the glove off her right hand, pressing down to scan her fingertip and pretending not to hear the sharp intake of breath as she opened up the app with recent photos and spun it around.

Eyes reluctantly shifts from the mess of scars to the photo with a swallow and Bella mentally applauds her as her brow furrows thoughtfully, one last look stolen before she turned to the computer. “I think we still have a box or two of those in the back,” she says as Bella slips her glove back on and tucks the phone back into her pocket.

“I’ll take all you have,” Bella assures her as she scoops James back up into her pocket. “If you could make it quick that would be lovely, I'm in a bit of a hurry."

-

Bella loads the last box into her car – James peering up with a twitching of his nose as she settled down on the bed of her trunk and tore one of the packages open, pouring three into the leather of her glove which he immediately grasped with a tiny clawed hand to keep in place as he wiggled out of the pocket and practically stumbled over himself with a hasty jerk of his hind leg when it got momentarily stuck in the fabric before managing to shake it off.

“Good?” she asks him as he digs in, gnawing contently in the little brown lump between his front paws. “You’re a spoiled little brat, that’s what you are,” she tells him, stroking a fingers down between his ears, her head lifting to meet the gaze of the other vampire with a little tilt of her head.

She’d known, stepping into the small town, that there was already a coven living there so she was, technically, trespassing on their territory and such kept her body-language loose and relaxed, non-threatening as James finished one bit of snack and started on the second one, his tiny body shifted just a bit closer to her chest when the blonde vampire took a step towards her and then another.

Long pale blonde hair and the golden eyes of one who only fed of animals. Her face all sharp angles for all that it was softened by a brown warm-looking fur vest over a grey sweater long enough to inch over her hands.

“I’m simply passing through,” Bella calls, leaning back against the boxes of mouse food and dropping James and the last bit of snack into her front pocket. “I’m not here to cause trouble.”

“You look like trouble,” the woman says, her accent curling around the words as she halts, cautious for all that her body-language remains open, her gaze watchful.

“Do I?” Bella asks, blinking behind her sunglasses. “And here I thought I was disarmingly charming.”

The woman’s mouth twitches, a new sort of consideration dipping into her eyes as she put a hand on her hip. “Rules say a new vamp should always stop to introduce themselves.”

“I was rather hoping to make this quick,” Bella says with a little roll of her shoulders. “You know, dip in, get the snacks for my little friend and continue right on.”

“’fraid that’s not the deal of the day,” the woman says, now smiling though the caution in her eyes doesn’t fade. “Names Katrina, of the Denali Coven, but I’m partial to Kate.”

“Isabella,” she says, silently thankful her name had an old enough ring to it to make her age hard to place. “Nomad.” She glances back. “You don’t mind if I take my car along, do you?”

-

Kate leads her along, darting a fresh trail of scent for Bella to follow to her house, window down and fingers drumming absently against door as she steered the car down an snowy road, past pine green trees and a large stretch of a shimmering lake just visible thorough the thickness of the trunks piled tight and high together.

The house that finally comes into sight is large – expensive, as often was the case with vampires who settled into larger covens, few as they were.

It is all flat ground with a large space for their cars and a rich wooden structure with dark slanted flat roofs. Most of the snow had been piled aside in a rather convincing attempt at human-like shovelling.

She counts three female vampires with a little twist of her gut as she pulls to a stop, turning the engine off and grabbing for her bag before stepping out with an absent touch to James.

Slides her fingers down the side of the car before leaning back against it with false relaxation.

It’s hard not to have her eyes drawn to what is obviously the coven leader – steady in the middle with intelligent eyes, hair strawberry blonde where it fell down her back, her clothing style not that much different from Kate's.

Said vampire was doing a fairly good impression of a meerkat where she’d parked herself to get a good look at them both, clearly anticipating something as her gaze shifts between the two of them.

Another blonde, just a shade darker in colour, had a slight crease in her brow as she stared at her in eerie stillness and Bella resists the tensing of her muscles, far more familiar with playing human than most vampires as she’d never been disconnected from the human society in the way most of them were.

Hunger had never been a problem during her existence as a vampire, after all. She’d never had to fear it overtaking her, robbing all reason for just a single taste…

“’Lu,” she greets, rising a gloved hand. “As I told Kate I’m just a lone nomad passing through. I’m not here to cause trouble.”

“I think I’ll be the judge of that,” the middle-one says, her accent clearly Slavic in nature and curling deeper than Kate’s. “I’m Tanya Denali, head of this coven.”

“Isabella,” she greets, dipping her hand down her front pocket and fishing for James whose little nose twitched. “And James,” she says, wiggling his little body, rump swinging, before dropping him back down. “Not really affiliated with any coven.”

“What business do you have here?” Tanya asks. 

“Buying mice treats,” Bella says with a little shrug, leaning back with feigned ease.

“Mice treats,” Tanya repeats, tone dry.

“Mice treats,” Bella agrees with a little bob of her head. “I was rather hoping you wouldn’t take notice of me at all so excuses for foregoing a visit here first.”

Tanya’s eyes watches her keenly and Bella resists the urge to cover her throat – well familiar with the effect her scars had on vampires she came across.

That they had been caused before and during her change was irrelevant – they didn’t know and Bella wasn’t about to tell which left her skin a silent sight of warning to any vamp that came across her.

“You’re a honest one, aren’t you?” Tanya says finally.

“I try,” Bella lies.

A sceptical narrowing of Tanya’s eyes lets her know she wasn’t quite successful with it.

“We don’t permit hunting on our grounds,” Tanya says after a brief moment. “We request that you travel at least four hours in one direction before going after any humans.”

“’s no need,” Bella says easily, reaching and pushing her sunglasses up, revealing a strange sort of burnt orange shade. “I can behave,” she says with a little slant of her mouth, a baring of teeth that wasn’t quite friendly.

Tanya’s flashes in response, body shifting, and Bella throws her hands up, well-aware she’d overstepped and quite keen to leave.

“I have a question, before I leave, if you’ll permit it,” she says with some care, meeting Tanya’s piercing stare with a measuring look of her own. “I’m looking for someone, you see, and rumours has it she’s been moving in this direction, though the details haven’t been very forthcoming. Red hair, prone to wearing fluffy coats – dramatic as fuck.”

The woman beside Tanya suddenly stills and Bella slants a look to her, eyebrow raising up when hostility flared wide and violent, the other vampires stiffening in response.

“I know who you are,” the woman says, a ghostly sort of whisper and a raging violence that promised nothing good. “I remember your _scent_. You’re the one who killed Laurent.”

Bella’s eyes narrows, friendliness slipping away to be replaced by a dangerous sort of grin.

“He died _screaming,_” she promises, shifting, waiting, coiling –

But when the woman explodes into movement Tanya is faster and Bella stills, mildly surprised when the coven leader forces her face down into the earth mere meters away from Bella, her fangs bared, daring Bella to take a step closer even as the other struggled beneath her.

-

“Stop it,” Tanya hisses, tense, keeping a careful eye on Isabella – those strange orange eyes watching them keenly, a protective hand raised above her pocket where the little mouse heart pounded faster than any humans.

_“She fucking killed one of ours-“ _

“I know,” Tanya says, tense, eyes never leaving the strange nomad that Kate had brought back to them. “But there is always two sides to a story.”

And the stranger's scars spoke a violent story of their own.

She feels Irina stiffen, not at all happy, but she ceases her struggles and Tanya dares to breathe out – a stupid human like gesture that helped center her as she slowly eased off Irina, saying nothing as her sister flashed back and behind her with shift of the earth beneath her feet.

“Whoa-“ Kate says, her smile completely gone. “What do you mean she killed Laurent?” she demands, eyes warily on the stranger.

Scars overlapping thick, her body concealed in a way that spoke of more – there was no other reason for the leather gloves on her hands or the scarf hanging loose around her throat, a single bite sealed over her throat in a way that made Tanya want to tense up.

It wasn’t normal, the way the woman looked at them – a strange sort of mildness that barely covered the violence written skin-deep into her.

Hair brown, short – a halt-hearted attempt made at saving what would never grow back but leaving a tufty sort of mess sticking out beneath the hoodie drawn up to rest half-way at the top of her head.

The shadow of the hood might fool a human but Tanya’s gaze picks out the missing piece of her ear, as if the top of it had simply been torn off, and the indentions of teeth scraped down and over her eye, venom coated thick, her jaw making a bad impression of a dog-chewed toy.

This was someone who had faced violence, had tasted it so deep it had left something dangerous in its wake.

A hand rests protectively over the tiny mouse in her pocket and gut instincts tells Tanya that it was far more connected to the woman’s sanity that such a short-lived creature had any right being, her muscles coiling tense when the stranger shifted, eyes now intent on her sister.

“If you know about _Laurent_,” she says, tongue tasting the name, sharp – a bleeding sort of madness written in the darkening of her eyes as she pushed away from the car, her human charade dying a flat death as she inhaled with a flaring of her nostrils. “Then you wouldn’t happen to know about Victoria?”

Tanya watches the stranger tensely – instinct screaming _enemy,_ her gut telling her to _listen._

“Who,” Irina says and Tanya is proud of the control in her voice, thankful for the way Irina curbs her violence, “the fuck is Victoria?”

“His friend,” Isabella answers immediately and there’s a restlessness creeping into her gait and Tanya knows that she’s barely restraining herself from circling them – something that wouldn’t go down well. “He was in a coven of nomads with two others – James and _Victoria._”

Tanya keeps a careful eye on Irina’s body-language, ready to step in if needed, but there’s a tense sort of anger wrestling with pieces slotting together the longer they stare at each other.

“You- she’s the one who turned you, isn’t she?” Irina breathes, eyes flitting over the scars in her face with new consideration.

The stranger’s fangs flashes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she says in such a mild voice that Tanya knows it’s a lie. “I’m simply looking to have a _chat_. Just like I had a _chat_ with Laurent. So, I ask again – is she **_here_**?”

Isabella’s voice promises violence but Irina surprises Tanya and the stranger both by folding her arms. “I’m not saying anything before you tell me how exactly Laurent was involved in all of this.”

She raises her chin stubbornly and the stranger falters, the darkness in her eyes growing just a shade lighter as her gaze flickered to Kate, who nodded empathetically, and then Tanya – lingering, holding.

“Is this the wish of the coven leader?” Isabella asks.

“Yes,” Tanya agrees without hesitation even if she very much didn’t.

To her surprise Isabella snorts, her body-language shifting back into such a close approximation of a human that if not for her scent and eyes Tanya could have easily mistaken her for one.

The breathing, loose-limbed with a slight slouch of her shoulders that somehow looked natural in a way that Tanya knew she’d never be able to replicate.

“So,” she says, dragging a hand through her hair and pushing the hoodie down. “Do I need to wait for an invitation or…?”

-

“We need to wait for the last two members of our coven,” Kate tells her and Bella hums, fingertips brushing over the spines of the books with a creeping nostalgia, an old sort of distant want and craving buried beneath survival and vengeance. “They’re out hunting but I sent them a message so they should be back soon.”

Bella slants her a look, lingering, considering.

There’s a nagging of an old memory – a painting in an office and the mention of another coven with the same dietary choice as those of the Cullen’s, a warm smile curling the lips of the handsome Doctor and-

“Tanya.” The vampire shifts, golden eyes intent on her, her sisters both watching her keenly in a way that made Bella’s instincts crawl even as she forced them down, struggling against the violence that lurked constantly beneath her skin. “Are you acquainted with a man by the name of Carlisle Cullen?” 

“I might be,” Tanya says after a moment, cautious and wary. “Why?”

Bella shifts her gaze back to the books, lingering on the green spine with the golden letters spelling out _Romeo & Juliet. _

“We are… old friends.” Her mouth curls, a twist of fondness and bitter regret as she touches the pad of her index finger against James’s small head. “One could almost say we were family.”

Family…

She had had such a thing, hadn’t she?

Had even been greedy for a second one and now she had none. 

Bella remembers waking up in the dunes of the desert of Phoenix the smell of the dead and burnt body of her mother the first thing filling up her lungs as her red eyes snapped open, the picture of her broken figure imprinting itself into her perfect vampire memory – skin peeled back and Victoria’s violence in the broken jaw gaping up, flies crawling and breeding in her flesh.

She flinches when fingers brushes hesitantly at her shoulder, teeth baring even as she drew back – swallowing as her gaze met the golden of the other.

“Nevermind,” she says thickly, forcing the memory down. “I doubt he’d remember me anyway.” 

“A vampire never forgets,” Irina says and Bella resists the urge to snap her teeth at her.

“So I’ve been told,” she says with a slanted dark look before turning in the direction of silent steps moments before the door opened and the last two members of the Denali coven flashed inside – taking in the situation with eyes as golden as the sisters.

Hair black, their skin pale with an olive tone, the man tall and the woman shorter with a spiral of curls – both with the scent of dead deer in their breath.

Bella tilts her head, meeting the gaze of the man who is watching her intently.

“That’s quite a gift you have there, stranger,” he says, stepping forward and offering her a hand as she stares at him. “Eleazar,” he introduces himself. 

“How do you know about my gift?” Bella asks, making to move to take the hand, muscles coiling at her back.

“Because of my own,” Eleazar says and Bella realizes that he’d put himself in front of his wife without drawing attention to it by, instead, drawing attention to himself – protective without making her senses go high-wire in challenge. “I can sense the gift of any vampire I come in contact with.”

“I… see,” Bella says slowly, staring at the hand still patiently outstretched.

Bella couldn’t actually remember the last time she’d touched someone without the intention of hurt and her fingers feel stiff as she slowly, hesitantly, slips her hand into his and allows him to give it a shake before yanking it back and tucking it up longs-sleeves.

“Isabella. Nomad,” she greets and he smiles at her – something compassionate that has no place being directed at her and her lips thins as she turns to the woman behind him.

“And you?” she asks.

“Carmen,” the woman introduces herself, something thoughtful in the light golden of her eyes, the clear intelligence making Bella’s neck prickle. “A pleasure to meet you, Isabella.” She dips her head, a warm sort of smile that makes Bella’s fingers curl in response before turning to Tanya.

“Well?” she demands roughly. “Is that all?”

“It is,” Tanya agrees pleasantly, less hostile now that they were all gathered, and Bella huffs – stepping over with a flash to claim the plush chair in the corner of the room, sinking deep into its depth and ignoring the curious eyes of the other as she toed her boots off and drew her feet up.

She resists the urge to pull off her socks as well as the others slowly settled into the couches and seats around the living room table, leaving them in a rough circle.

It is an entirely unnecessary charade of humanity but Bella finds comfort where she can and such a simple thing as curling up with her feet in something soft was a treat that she wasn’t about to waste.

“So?” She turns to Irina. “What do you want to know?”

“You killed Laurent,” Irina says, seated between her sisters – Tanya having claimed the seat closest to Bella, Kate the furthest away, Carmen and Eleazar across them.

“I did,” Bella agrees, satisfaction layering into her voice and teeth flashing, curbing the strange rumbly purr that wanted to crawl out of her voice at the memory. “It was quite beautiful, the way he begged me to spare him.”

Irina’s eyes darkens and Bella’s nose flares – daring her to make a move, mouth stretching as the vampire wrestled herself back under control.

“Why did you do it?” Carmen asks and Bella startles slightly, gazing sharply to the woman as she pushed deeper into the chair, hand raising and teeth sliding over the bottom of her palm, ignoring the strange craving for self-soothing as her burnt orange eyes darkened in colour.

“His friend,” Bella says delicately, “is the one who turned me.”

“This Victoria you’re looking for?” Kate asks, drawing her feet close to the couch as she leant forward.

“Yes,” Bella rumbles, the urge for violence bubbling deep in her gut.

“Laurent didn’t speak much about his old coven,” Irina says after a long moment. “And the Cullen’s were pretty quiet on the details on why he was looking for a change of diet.”

“It had something to do with Eddy-boy’s human interest, didn’t it?” Kate says with a little cock of her head. “What was her name? Bee, Bell- some…thing…”

Five pairs of eyes stares at her and Bella stares back, unamused.

“I’m not Edward’s anything, thank you,” she says dryly.

Kate’s mouth drops open. “Wait-“ she blurts. “Wait, wait, wait-“

“I am,” Bella says mildly, “waiting.”

“Bella, short for Isabella,” Tanya murmurs, eyes sharp with a new sort of consideration as her gaze shifted over the scars in her face. “And now a vampire.”

“How are you in control?” Eleazar asks in fascination, his voice dipping with a Spanish accent, eyes swivelling towards him. “We first met Laurent three years ago – you can’t have been a vampire for any longer than that.”

“Secret,” Bella says with a flash of teeth. “And none of your business.” She pins Irina in place with patience she didn't really feel. “Laurent was part of a coven with a man by the name of James who found joy in hunting and his mate, a woman by the name of Victoria. They came across me when I was still human and James hunted me down only to be killed and Victoria didn’t much appreciate it so she took revenge in the way she could once the Cullen's left Forks behind."

“By hunting you down and changing you.”

“Eventually, yes,” Bella agrees with a momentary glance at Tanya.

“But Laurent left Victoria,” Irina says with a curl of her mouth. “He was learning our ways-“

“Sure he was,” Bella says with a flash of her teeth. “That’s why he snapped the neck of my father to _spare him, _mind you, awfully kind really. And I suppose that’s why he dragged me all the way into the arms of Victoria with only a murmur of an apology when he left me to her _tender care.”_

They look at each other for a long moment before Irina lowers her head, looking away.

“Victoria is sneaky,” Bella says with a flash of teeth. “Avoiding others is her gift and if she doesn’t want to be found she won’t _be._ But everyone slips up eventually, it’s just a matter of time." She breathes in. Exhales. "So, I ask again – rumours has she passed through her fairly recently and if you know anything about it I would appreciate a heads-up. If not, I’ll be out your door in a moment - I’ve already wasted enough time here.”

"The rumours are old news," Eleazar says after a glance at his coven leader. "Whatever trail she left behind will be long gone."

"Then you _have _ wasted my time," Bella says with badly swallowed anger. "Which means it's time for me to leave."

“I have another suggestion,” Tanya says, leaning forward. “Laurent was put in my care which makes him _my_ responsibility and I failed in what he did to you.”

Bella looks at her, something strange in her chest as Tanya meets her gaze levelly.

“Allow me a chance to make this right,” she says. “We have contacts a newborn like you wouldn't have access to – give us a chance to track her down for you.”

“Why,” Bella asks heavily. “Would I trust you?”

“Who else do you have?” Tanya asks and Bella quiets, knowing there really wasn't anything she could offer up in return.

"Two months," she bites out.

"Four," Tanya shoots back. "We have friends all over the world but I'll need time."

Bella digs her fingers into her thigh and bares her teeth.


	2. Familiar Strangers

Bella has long decided that she’s kinda relieved that vampire’s don’t sleep.

She remembers being eighteen and waking up in the middle of the night, so twisted up from the abandonment of the family that she had loved that she didn’t know what to make of herself.

Meeting the Cullen’s, loving Edward, loving _Alice_ and then falling so in love with Esme and Carlisle...

Bella had loved her mother but she’d always been the adult in their relationship, the one making sure they had everything they needed, that the bills was getting paid, and with Esme and Carlisle the opposite had been true. For the first time in her life another had made the effort to cook for _her_ and they promised an eternity of a love she had spent a life craving.

And then they were all gone.

No more Alice to sweep her up and out of her comfortable little bubble with a twinkle in her eyes and a quick kiss to her cheek.

No more Emmett to lift her up and spin her around in a bear hug worthy of his stature.

No more _Edward_-

Bella doesn’t know what kind of nightmares life would have brought her in the aftermath of Victoria but there are no dreams, no sleep.

And she supposes she’s rather relieved for all that she would do anything to forget the picture of her mother’s body burnt into her mind so perfectly.

-

Staying with the Denali coven is strange and Bella finds a lot of her time sprawled out on their roof, legs folded over the point tops of the slanting wood and eyes fixed on nothing in particular as she listened to the noise and liveliness inside the house.

Nearly a month had passed and between the increasing touchiness of the other’s and interacting together Bella finds it hard to cling to the anger and bite that froths constant beneath her skin.

“You’re not a very social thing, are you?” Kate asks as she hoists herself up with ease, completely ignoring the way Bella’s shoulders curled tense in response to her appearance, hand reaching up to cup over James’s small body where he rested at the hollow of her throat. “You know, the Cullen’s are arriving next week. You should practice your small talk till then – you know, _hey, Eddy, fellow vampire now – wanna smooch?”_

“I’d sooner shove a fork into his eye,” Bella tells her earnestly and Kate snorts, crouching like a particularly pretty gargoyle by the bend of Bella’s knees.

“That mean you’re available?” she asks, cocking her head with a wiggle of her brows.

Bella gives her a strange look. “You want to fuck me?”

“So blunt,” Kate laughs, her gaze shifting over her form with consideration. “But I mean, no, I want _you_ to fuck _me_. You seem like the kind of person who’d worship your partner to a slow, delicious death.”

“Do I now?” Bella says dryly, ignoring the slight heat that indicated a blush had she been human still.

She hadn't exactly been active as a human and the though of anything sexual as a vampire...?

Hadn't even crossed her mind.

She tenses when nails drags over her knee – eyes darkening as Kate scratched lightly against the fabric of her jeans, consideration in her light golden eyes.

“You know, Irina has been feeling pretty bad about the whole thing,” she says, changing tracks while picking idly at the little fold of fabric at the outside seam of her leg, Bella’s skin prickling in response despite there being a full layer between them. “She liked Laurent and knowing what he did…”

“Do you want me to feel bad for her?” Bella asks, shifting her leg only to have Kate’s hand follow.

“Nah,” Kate says, Bella’s completely forgetting how to breathe as she curled fingers beneath the bend of her knee with a drag of her nails, something strange bubbling in response in the depth of her belly. “What he did to you – that was wrong and Irina is just going to have to get over herself. But she _is _my sister and I love her so I don’t like seeing her in pain.”

“I see,” Bella says, not really seeing at all and busy not panicking at the strange craving to have those nails drag over her scalp – gaze locked on them with a little hitch of her breath when Kate let out a sigh and pulled her hand back.

“At least we get to see the Cullen’s again – it’s been a while,” she says, kicking her legs out a bit idly and settling properly on her rump.

“Are you close?” Bella can’t help but ask, curling a hand around James and drawing herself up into a sitting position beside the other vampire – taking the chance to give herself some space, though Kate hardly seemed to notice.

“Carlisle is the one who introduced us to the diet, centuries ago, after the death of our mother Sasha,” Kate says after some consideration. “He’s a strange man, human in a way that most vampires don’t quite manage to hold onto. He’s an oddity, working as he does.”

Bella stares idly out at the stars, remembering the pale golden hair and the sheer warmth and compassion the Doctor was capable of.

She had loved him, once, before they disappeared from her life to leave nothing but ash and dust and the scent of her mother’s burnt body filling up her lungs.

“It’s impossible not to admire him and what he does,” Kate says finally. “And we’ve known him for a long time now. Has watched as he went from the lonely vampire silent and misplaced by the side of the Volturi to what he is today – a compassionate and loving man with far too big of a heart and as his family grew so did ours.” She spreads her fingers out, giving a little shrug of her shoulders and looking up to catch Bella’s eyes. “Somewhere along the line we came to call each other cousins so I would say that, yes, we are close.”

“You speak warmly of Carlisle,” Bella says after a moment and Kate’s mouth twitches.

“He’s our oldest friend,” she says simply. “In many ways the Cullen’s are still young. I mean, look at our clan - Eleazar and Carmen are the youngest among us and they’re were both born during the 17th century. Tanya, Irina and I are both from a rough millennia ago.” Kate gives her a squinty look. “And you’re, what, twenty? Practically a baby, really.”

Bella gives her a flat look and Kate giggle snorts, the younger stilling in place when a hand swept down to ruffle her tufty hair.

“You looked like such a fearsome thing when you got here but you’re secretly soft a softie,” Kate coos when Bella grumbles and half-heartedly slaps her hand away.

-

“Come here.” Tanya pats the space beside her on the couch as Bella drags a hoodie over her head, craving the softness and pausing to give the coven leader a suspicious look. “I just want to talk,” Tanya assures her and Bella hesitantly sinks down beside her on the couch.

The clock lets her know it was some five hours until the Cullen’s would arrive and Bella feels awkward and ill-prepared and very much not in the mood for dealing with the shit-show it was sure to turn out to be.

_Jasper and Alice are one of the best tracking teams there is, _Tanya had told her and Bella hadn’t been able to muster much of a response to that because finding and killing Victoria trumped any ill-ease she felt at meeting the family again.

“You can stop looking so suspicious,” Tanya drawls and Bella reluctantly eases her shoulders down and gives Tanya her most attentive look, fingers scratching idly at the inside of a too big sleeve. “I just wanted to see how you’re holding up,” the blonde vampire says after a moment, eyes studying her.

“I’m not about to attack them or anything if that’s what you’re wondering,” Bella answers after a brief moment.

“I was not worried about it but how you’re making me reconsider that,” Tanya says dryly, a quirk of her lips letting Bella know she wasn’t quite serious about it before her face switches to something serious. “You were close to them, weren’t you? And they’re closely linked to what happened to you with James, Laurent and Victoria. That kind of trauma? It doesn’t just go away.”

Bella’s mouth thins, an uncomfortable curl in her belly.

“I’m fine,” she says. 

“You’re not,” Tanya disagrees. “That’s quite obvious and its _fine_ not to be okay.” Her brow creases, ignoring Bella’s slitted look. “You know, if there’s anyone who will understand what you’re going through it’s probably Rose,” she says with some consideration. “Our last moment of humanity imprints onto our very existence and Rose… Her death wasn’t a kind one and in many ways her change was Carlisle’s most cruel one.”

Bella stares at her, silent and not quite sure what to say.

“Just a suggestion,” Tanya says and Bella blinks as the other abruptly swings to settle into her lap, movement carefully telegraphed as she leant forward to give her neck a little nuzzle.

Bella inhales sharply with a little quiver, eyes dilating as her head tipped back instinctively to a low surprised purr from the blonde who pressed closer, head turning and lips sealing gently against her pulse point.

“It’s going to be okay,” Tanya promises her before disappearing before Bella’s mind could reboot and make sense of her own instincts. 

-

“Do you think they’ll be happy to see me?” Bella asks James, watching as he nibbled his way through a piece of brown lumpy mice snack in her palm, grey strands against the dark blonde of his fur by his nose. “Or are they going to be horrified?” she says, touching a hand to the trail of bite marks on her jaw, fingers trailing down to touch against her throat where a perfect imprint rested deep enough be visible to human eyes.

-

Carmen links their arms together, completely ignoring Bella’s instinctive jerk and pulling her closer instead of allowing her to slip away.

“You don’t have to do this on your own,” the woman says as Bella gives her a stiff look, aware of the way that Eleazar had taken her other side without crowding too closer, Tanya at the front and Irina and Kate near her.

“I’ll be fine,” Bella grumbles but a part of her is painfully thankful for the support, her hearing picking up on the movement of the family, every instinct inside of her surging, telling her to scent and search, a lonely seventeen-year-old’s heart perking up inside of her as she lifts her head just as the first Cullen stepped out from the trees.

Bella meets Carlisle’s golden eyes, fingers curling to tighten around Carmen’s arm as Esme followed then Emmett and Rosalie, Alice and Jasper and finally – Edward, bronze haired and dark eyed with a creeping of purple shadows against the paleness of his skin.

Tanya had warned them, Bella knew, and she isn’t surprised by the gazes that searches her out for all that it makes the hair at the back of her neck rise, _danger! _blaring like a faultry connected wire in her brain.

_“Bella,”_ Esme gasps and it takes everything she has not to hide behind Carmen – something thick in her throat and something ugly in her heart as she looks at this impossibly warm woman, her caramel hair just as beautiful as she remembered, the curve of her jaw a wonder and her eyes-

Bella can’t look at their eyes, she realizes, her gaze flittering from Emmett’s clenched jaw to Jasper’s furrowing brow, looks at Alice caught between bursting with joy and wilting, hands cupped over her mouth.

She ignores Edward completely – finds herself looking at Rosalie who has a little dip of her mouth that sends something cold down Bella's spine.

Looks to Tanya’s strong back with a twisting of something complicated in her chest, things she want nothing to do with as she presses a hand over James tiny body inside the pocket of her shirt.

“Carlisle,” Tanya greets warmly as the other coven leader steps forward, their embrace tight and familiar and there’s a roar in Bella’s ears – a strange sort of disconnect that she tries to shake off as she draws a careful breath and then another, counting James tiny heartbeats to ground herself.

“It’s wonderful to see you again,” Carlisle says but there’s something in his voice that makes Bella look up – finally meeting the eyes of the man she’d once dared to love as a father. “How?” he asks, his gaze never faltering. “We thought you dead.”

Bella presses closer to Carmen – feeling young and stupid despite knowing that she wasn’t and Tanya clears her throat.

“Why don’t we head inside and we’ll have a chat?” the head of the Denali clan suggests.

-

“Yes, of course,” Carlisle agrees almost immediately with a helpless sort of look at the scarred figure tucked protectively at Carmen’s side.

The Bella Swan they’d left behind in Forks almost three years earlier had been pale but it was nothing compared to the way the change had robbed her of all colour – dark purple smudged beneath her eyes and a sharp gaunt face where burnt orange eyes wouldn’t quite hold their gazes.

What had once been long brown hair had been shorn to a short tufty mess with a half-hearted attempt at saving it and Carlisle knew that it would never grow out to be what it was for vampire bodies ceased to grow nails and hair with their deaths.

The worst thing is the scars – the rows and violence, the jagged lines that spoke of deliberate and slow hurt, the sealing of teeth over her throat where the scent of venom was the strongest, where someone had held and allowed it to seep so deep that it had layered into the very depth of her skin, a constant, unmovable reminder.

Esme’s hand slips into his own and he squeezes it tight, horror threatening to overwhelm him despite Jasper’s struggling calm lapping against him.

_My daughter- _

Instincts urges and froth – to step forward, to comfort and bring her into his arms and tell her everything was going to be okay.

But he forfeited any right to her when they left her in Forks only to get the news of her death mere months later.

Seeing her here, in front of him, _alive_ in the only way that mattered–

His eyes burns for the injustice done to her, at what had clearly been a violent change when it should have been done with the safety of her family, with _them_.

His eyes flitter briefly to the pocket of her shirt as they move inside, Kate already closer at Rosalie’s side, arms curling and hands clasping together as Emmett and Jasper both stepped closer to Edward who’d frozen at the sight of Bella, discreetly giving him a tug to force him to get a move on.

Listens to the tiny heartbeats of the small creature there, a hand touching gently and protectively over the small lump.

Alice slides up beside him and Esme, eyes locked tight on Bella’s back as Carmen leant forward, speaking too low for anyone of them to hear as they slipped inside.

-

Bella finds herself between Carmen and Eleazar, Irina and Kate on either side of Tanya and the Cullen’s settling down in pairs – Edward sinking down heavily beside Emmett to a brief glance from Rosalie before the blonde huffed, arms folding as she leant back against her husband.

Jasper is the closest and Bella swallows thickly, struggling against the strange urge to press closer to Carmen, to allow the woman to draw her tight into her protective hold, her neck burning from all the attention.

_Don’t make the same mistake twice, _her brain grumbles but Bella refuses to give up her tight grip of the other’s hand, a thumb stroking gently over the leather of her gloves.

“Bella.” Jasper’s voice, so familiar for how little they’d spoken, makes her stiffen as she glances up, staring blankly at the hand that reaches out for her in invitation, sees the marks of violence before flicking up to meet his dark golden gaze.

There are scars there, too, in his face - bite marks that hadn’t been visible to her as a human but which now stood out starkly where someone had gotten a good grasp of his jaw, indentions peeking up at the hem of his shirt.

The uncomfortable look is missing from his face, here, among his kin instead of the pulsing and beating of human hearts.

He doesn’t say anything more and Bella hesitantly reaches out, feels the way he gently grasp the leather of her glove with one hand as the other dips two fingers into the hem of her shirt and presses bare skin down against her own where the glove ended – calm flooding her body, dampening the anxiety inside of her into something more manageable before he gently pulls away.

She draws her hand back into her lap, unsure what to say, unsure what to do, but looking to Tanya now since this entire thing was her idea.

For a creature incapable of sleep she felt impossibly tired.

“I believe there’s some… history that needs to be dealt with before we get to the matter at hand,” Tanya says delicate, sliding her gaze from Jasper and Isabella and instead looking over their _cousins._

“What’s there to say?” Isabella says and Tanya is well-familiar with her now to pick up on the vulnerability beneath the dryness of her tone. “Hi, yes, I’m a vampire now and I’m not overly interested in discussing it.” _With you,_ is never spoken but might as well have been broadcasted in her voice for all that Esme draws a quick little breath, pain in her eyes as she looks upon the youngest vampire in the room.

“I would say there’s more to it than that,” Emmett says gruffly, his spirit unusually dampened as he looks upon her. “I’m… relieved to see you alive, baby bear,” he tells her as she looks up, those burnt orange eyes dark, her mouth in a flat line as she just as quickly looks away from him. “I mean it,” he presses. “I never wanted to leave you in Forks in the first place.”

_“Emmett-“ _

“It’s true,” he says fiercely, rounding on Edward who flinched, looking rather like someone’s who’d seen a ghost and didn’t know to handle it.

“But you _did_,” Isabella says flatly, grip tightening on Carmen. “And that’s not why you’re here anyway. We only need Jasper and Alice.”

Tanya mentally winces for her cousins at the harsh dismissal.

Alice leans forward. “I have a question about that,” she says, a furrow in her brow. “Because I’ve been getting flashes of you needing me and Jasper but that’s really all. No details. And I certainly didn’t see you, Bella,” she says carefully, looking rather like she was physically restraining herself from reaching out for the other.

“Ah.” Bella’s free hand twists in her hoodie’s sleeve. “That’s likely on me,” she admits.

“Isabella has a physical and mental shield,” Eleazar expands when she quiets. “She promised to pull it back with your arrival but we’re fairly certain it’ll block most of the gifts in the room if she so wants to.” There’s a note of definitive interest in his voice, gaze lingering on Edward for a moment since he had the most invasive gift in the room, Jasper’s a close second.

“That is fascinating,” Carlisle says after clearing his throat. “If I may ask – what exactly is it that you need help with.”

Isabella’s mouth curls and she looks to Tanya who raises a brow at her to a huff.

“I’m hunting someone,” Isabella says grudgingly. “But they’re good at avoiding me which is getting damn annoying.”

_“You are doing what now_?” Emmett says in echo with Edward, the former sounding rather impressed, the other horrified.

“Hunting,” Isabella says flatly. “As in, I want someone _dead_. Preferably before the end of the year.” Her fingers presses against the lump of her shirt, more than one pair of eyes drawn to the motion and the tiny heartbeat there as a little head pokes up, pressing into the touch with a little squeak that immediately has Isabella looking down, conversation abandoned.

“Hungry?” she asks the thing, already releasing Carmen’s hand in favour of rummaging through her pockets for a one of the plastic bags of mice snack she refused to go without.

Tanya glances over the others, well-aware of how disturbing it was to see the way she completely lost touch with reality, her eyes sharpening on Jasper who’d straightened up – intently focused on the girl as she poured the treats into her hand and drew her feet up on the couch, shielding the small mouse from their view as it wiggled out of its pocket and into her palm with another squeak.

This particular black hoodie had a flower patch crudely but with care sown in place to always make sure the mouse had a place to rest in no matter whatever she wore and she watches it with a gentle look that looks off on her scarred face.

“So, what’s its name?” Tanya looks at Rosalie who is making a good impression of disinterest with a side-eyed look at Bella who stills, fingers curling protectively over the little thing as she looks up.

“_His_ name is James,” Isabella says after a moment, gaze shifting to Edward when he made a noise only to have Alice shoot him a vaguely threatening look.

“It’s a good name,” Jasper says, hands clasping together between his knees as he leant forward. “May I see him?”

“No,” Isabella denies immediately, drawing the small mouse closer.

“That is fine,” Jasper agrees and Tanya recognises that tone of voice, that sort of soothing _no one is pressuring you into doing anything _tone that promised that everything would be alright.

Isabella’s mouth curls a bit unsurely in response and Tanya straightens when the nomad’s eyes seeks her gaze, a thing that had been happening with increasing frequency during the month.

She doubts the girl is aware of it herself- that craving for someone else to take the reins and make decisions and assure her that everything would be alright but to Tanya is was clear as day.

She’d even tested it out hours before and she’d accidentally allowed a purr to slip out when the girl almost immediately bared her throat in a way that was 100% vampire instincts at work.

The look of startled confusion in her face in the aftermath of it had been both sad and sweet and Tanya was struggling hard against instincts of her own which said to _claim._

She liked the kid – wouldn’t mind having her in her coven at all.

But the matter of Victoria would have to be dealt with first and if they needed Alice and Jasper for that then that’s who Tanya would happily work with to make it happen.

Even if she'd have liked a chance to smoothe things out first - give both sides a chance to figure things out.

“I know there’s a lot to discuss,” Carlisle speaks up as Isabella’s gaze reluctantly flicks up. “I’m- I know there’s no easy way to even begin to broach the topic of the decisions made three years ago but I promise we’ll be staying here for as long as we’re needed and we’ll do our best to help where we can.”

“Are you sure you really want to make that offer?” Isabella asks, head tilting to Edward. “I remember him making promises of his own and yet you didn’t hesitate to leave me behind without a single goodbye so I’m not quite sure I want to take that at face-value.”

Tanya raises a brow at Carlisle as he clasps his hands together, his guilt plain as he made no attempt to deny it.

“We’ve done you a great wrong,” he says with a single tremble of his voice before he forced it down. “And I know I’ll never be able to forgive myself for it but I loved you in Forks and I love you know, here, as a vampire and my daughter in all ways that matter.”

The thing is, Tanya thinks as she studies him, is that Carlisle means it – fully and truly. And she doesn’t doubt him because Carlisle isn’t a liar, if anything he’s unwaveringly truthful and sometimes a bit blunt, clumsy in the way he occasionally expressed things to her fond amusement.

But here-

Tanya sighs internally when Isabella’s walls climbs up and seals tight, a flash of teeth that promised nothing good.

“A good father,” she growls, “doesn’t leave his daughter behind to be hunted to death.”

-

It takes Tanya nearly seven hours to track down the girl which is impressive, if a bit annoying, and she stares down into the water at the figure curled up with and around a rock in her lap to make sure she didn’t go anywhere, hand over the lump in her shirt.

_Younglings, _she thinks a bit fondly as she shimmies out of her clothes and drops into the ice cold water, breathing all the air out of her lungs and touching down with a brush of sand beneath her feet as they slowly settled against the ground.

Her hair wisps pale and long and she brushes it away from her face as Isabella reluctantly looks up to meet her gaze in the green tinted water.

Tanya reaches out with a hand and there’s an exhale of bubbles from the other before she reluctantly reaches up to clasp their hands together, allowing Tanya to pull her up and together they make for the surface, breaking it with a cold inhalation of air.

But vampires aren’t affected by cold and Tanya settles on the edge in her wet underwear, hair plastering itself to her back and feet dipping into the water, her position copied by the other who slouched with her clothes dripping heavily onto the snowy bank.

“Here.” Tanya grabs for her shirt, stretching it out for the other. “For James,” she says when she receives a confused crease of her brows.

Slowly the protective ball of energy around the mouse falls and a finger dips down to scoop him out, mindful to avoid as much wetness as she can as she dropped his small body down to a little squeak as he immediately buried down into the folds of it, the entire thing gently placed aside on a dry spot of ground.

“Thank you,” Isabella says roughly, wiping a bit uselessly at the water crawling over her face with the wet sleeve of her hoodie.

“So, it got a bit heated in there, huh?” Tanya comments idly, gazing out over the lake as the other kept dripping.

“Understatement of the year,” Isabella grumbles but there’s a slump to her shoulders, a deepening of the exhausted bags beneath her eyes that sends all sorts of warnings signs to Tanya's brain and she sighs, dragging a hand through her hair.

“Can I touch you?” Tanya asks bluntly.

Isabella jerks, her wide-eyed look forcing Tanya to hide a smirk.

“Can I,” she repeats, leaning forward just a bit, aware of the way water droplets inched their way over the swell of her breasts and the flatness of her belly, clinging to the lashes of her eyes, “touch you?”

Isabella’s mouth opens. Closes.

“I don’t understand,” she says roughly.

“It’s easy enough.” Tanya pulls her feet from the lake and spreads her legs out. “Come here,” she beckons and the other stares at her for a long moment, chest rising and falling, a rough swallow and then a hesitant movement to hoist herself onto her hands and knees.

And-

She really had no business looking as she did – all soft hesitant eyes as she crawled forward until her knees nudged up against the spread of Tanya’s thighs, as close as was physically possible and settling down in a neat kneeling position.

Attentive and waiting.

_Woof,_ Tanya thinks to herself but forces her instinctive reaction down as she reaches forward and wipes some of the water from her face, her thumb sliding softly down a bite-chewed jaw here Victoria had buried her fangs over and over again in short violent bursts.

Slides down and over the marks on her throat where the scent of another’s venom was the most potent – her changing bite, and, a violent sort of claim that spoke of nothing good.

The throat moves beneath her hand as the girl swallows and Tanya sighs as she slides her grip to grasp against the back of her neck and pull her forward and against her.

“It’s going to be okay,” she tells her, forehead pushed against her collarbone, pretending not to feel the trembles of the girl's body as it practically collapses against her own, her arm drawing the other tight with a rise of possessiveness as she nuzzled gently against the scarred throat.

_“I've got you.”_


	3. Dissonance

Bella wakes up to the sight of her mother’s mutilated body.

She’s starving. Her mother smells good. She’s a vampire.

She remembers dipping her hand into her mother’s gaping chest, remembers the dried blood crusting on her hand and she remembers the little chitter of life – red eyes turning, seeking, stilling on the sight of the mama rat.

She eats it.

And then she follows the squeaks of life to a burrow and she eats its children, sobbing without tears to come, the sun burning hot against her skin where a shimmer of diamonds caught in an echo of the woman who had crouched over her ruined body for days.

And then she throws up the bones and badly digested skin and flesh, pale and drained of blood.

“I’m sorry,” she tells the last little baby mouse, pink and furless, too small and weak to move as she scoops it up and drops it into a trembling hand, drawing it close to her chest. “I’m so _sorry._”

-

Bella turns her head, watching quietly as Alice stepped through the trees, upside-down from her current position with knees folded around the branch of a tree – James contently snoozing inside his box which she’d pulled from her car to rest on the ground near her.

“Hey,” Alice says, stopping and leaning against the trunk of a tree.

The thing about vampires? They don’t change. A hundred years could pass and Alice’s hair could be just as short and wild, not a single line added to her brow, her brows already plucked and shaped to perfection.

But vampire’s aren’t untouchable and Bella sees the darkness of the smudges beneath her eyes, sees the limpness of her hair and the way she isn’t brimming with that familiar unbridled energy that ghosted through her human memories.

It feels… off.

But it’s a distant sort of thing – buried between the hurt that had enveloped her and dragged her under with their abandonment.

Edward is stubborn – when he left Bella knew there wasn’t much hoping he’d return even as her heart ached and broke at the thought. But Esme? Carlisle? Surely they would return for her – surely they wouldn’t just leave her when they had welcomed her into their family, reassuring her over and over that she was one of them, one of _theirs._

She’d held out hope for Alice the longest.

“Hey,” she says, voice quiet, rough, not sure what to feel as she looks at the person who was supposed to be her sister, her best friend, the one person to trust to always have her back.

Her gift is up, covering and hiding her from Alice’s view, leaving the other vampire just as blind as herself to the direction of the conversation.

The seconds ticking by the longer they stare at each other, a passing breeze tugging at her short hair before it settles and Bella sees the way Alice’s eyes dips to it, something pained flickering briefly through her gaze.

“I don’t know how to do this,” Alice says abruptly, sinking down and settling into a crisscross in the snow “I’m terrified of messing this up,” she admits. “I’m not – I’ve never been good with words,” she says with a little wrinkle of her nose. “Anticipating, forming, structuring things after seeing at least a handful of possibilities, that’s my thing.”

There’s that familiar little huff of frustration and something echoes hollowly inside her in response.

“You’re doing fine,” she hears herself saying.

“I’m really not,” Alice says roughly. “I – had this entire thing planned out your know? After we heard about you being alive. But I _can’t_-“ Her voice breaks before she clears her throat, once, twice, fumbling for control. “I can’t say it to you.”

“What would you say if you had met me as I was? The change a good one – perhaps even a chosen one.”

Alice jerks a bit guiltily, golden eyes flickering up to meet her own.

“I’m not mad,” Bella says, suddenly tired. “You were allowed to hope for the best.”

Indecision flicks through Alice’s eyes and then she breathes out. “It was kinda naïve, wasn’t it?” she says with self-depreciation. “Thinking we could go back to what we were.”

Bella says nothing, gaze dipping to James as he snuffled in his sleep.

“I’m happy,” Alice admits, voice thin and guilty. “I’m happy because you’re alive and I’m selfish and cruel because I’m even thankful to Victoria for giving me this chance of seeing you again.”

“She killed Renée,” Bella tells her.

“I know,” Alice admits, fingers digging into the fabric of the pants she was wearing.

“Laurent – he killed Charlie.”

“I know.”

Bella shifts her gaze back to the other vampire, burnt orange eyes drinking the sight of the wilting dark haired girl she had loved until her chest threatened to burst.

“Why didn’t you say goodbye?”

Alice blinks at her, clearly caught off-guard as her head snapped up.

“I loved you,” Bella says. “I loved you _so much._ But you just _left me._” She twists as she drops to the ground, landing in a crouch of bare feet, revealing the scars on them but not quite able to muster of the feeling of caring. “I missed you, Alice,” she confesses. “I missed you so much I almost wanted to die and you couldn’t even say goodbye.”

“No-“ And there’s something terrible in Alice’s eyes now. “No Bella- that’s not, that’s not –“ And she’s on her knees, reaching but stopping just shy of pressing her fingers to Bella’s cheek. “That’s not how it was at all,” she whispers.

“But it was,” Bella tells her. “It _was_.”

She waits for anger but there’s no anger, only a rotten sort of old ache, a wound torn anew, regret and something broken that she doesn’t know how to fix.

“I still love you, Alice,” Bella whispers. “But I don’t know how to trust you.”

-

“Do you think I’m cruel?” Bella asks Irina curiously.

“You can’t force yourself to feel something that isn’t there,” the other answers, shifting through her cards and throwing two of them. “Honestly? I expected worse.”

“_Way_ worse,” Kate agrees empathetically, throwing four of her five cards.

“You represent yourself,” Irina tells her as she folds her cards together and puts them aside, facedown, dealing the new cards at human speed. “But even if you weren’t, and you were part of the Denali Coven, Tanya wouldn’t have berated you for telling her how you feel, even as the risk of damaging the bond to a close clan. That’s not healthy.”

“We’re all adults here,” Kate says as she discards one card to a hard stare from her sister, Bella throwing two. “Talking things out is what we do.”

“Comes from the right person,” Irina mumbles, Kate flashing her teeth in response.

The door to Kate’s room cracks open and Carmen slips inside. “You have place for three more?”

“You can take Bella’s seat,” Kate says mildly. “She’s loosing. Badly.”

“They’re robbing me blind,” Bella admits as the dark haired vampire stepped up to her side, a hand settling on her shoulder as she peered down, cards obligingly spread for her view.

Carmen doesn’t wince but it’s a near thing – a little twitch that makes Bella sigh as she folded them together.

“Maybe sit this one out,” the older vampire suggests with a little pat before sweeping down to give her a little scoot off just as the door opened and Tanya stepped inside, closely followed by Eleazar who didn’t hesitate to claim the seat next to his wife – leaving only a single chair and place at the round table as the door closed behind her.

“We agreed to give each other some space for the evening,” Tanya says as she bends down and unlaces her boots, tugging them off and placing them among the gathering of other pairs and reaching out to catch both Carmen’s and then Eleazar’s when they threw theirs to join them. “It wasn’t anything we didn’t expect,” she tells the flickering wariness in Isabella’s eyes as she drops down into the free chair.

“I don’t want to come in-between what you have with the Cullen’s,” Isabella admits and Tanya hums, watching as Carmen made an attempt at saving a thoroughly bad game.

“You think I didn’t know feelings were going to get hurt?” she asks finally and Isabella pauses, watching her carefully now. “I honestly thought Edward would be the first but Alice… You were close, weren’t you?”

The other vampires tenses for a flash of a second but pretends not to have as the youngling’s mouth curls.

“We were,” she admits after a long moment. “Alice was always the most… physically present. She never gave me a reason to doubt that she’d always be there and then she just… wasn’t.”

The noise of cards being exchanged is the only thing that could be heard for several moments.

“Edward at least said goodbye,” Isabella says as she takes a step forward and sinks down beside Tanya’s chair, making her still as the younger vampire brushed shy of leaning against her thigh. “He made a decision and he told me about it and he left. It’s not – I could deal with that, eventually. But-“ She hesitates and Tanya chances it, reaching down and stroking over tufty brown hair, the girl hardly seeming to notice as she fiddled with the sleeve of her hoodie, chin tucked into the scarf around her neck. “I thought I meant more, I guess,” she confesses a bit awkwardly. “At least enough for a goodbye.”

Tanya decides to shift strategy, nails sliding tryingly against the scalp to a stilling of shoulders that made Tanya hold her breath as she did it again, meeting Kate’s eyes just as Isabella visibly relaxed and turned to press closer – urging the touch to a fond twitch of Tanya’s lips.

“Of course you were worth a goodbye,” Eleazar broaches after a moment, more than one pair of soft glances stolen at them before Carmen combed home the first win. “It’s fine to be a bit messed up about it.

“Your allowance has been noted,” Isabella grumbles without heat, her eyes lidding as she breathed out with a little huff.

-

“Hunting time, huh?”

Bella glances up, keeping an idle ear on the on-goings as Emmett stepped up, broad and towering and yet so sweet, Bella knew, having been caught off-guard once by the twinkle in his eyes and the dimpling of his cheeks.

“It’s about time,” Eleazar says, rolling his shoulders, feet already bare and his normally stylish clothes exchanged for easy-to-wash fabrics. “What do you say, Isabella, coming along?” he asks, voice curling around her name. “The rest is already waiting for us.”

_The rest_ being everyone in the Cullen clan but Emmett and Rosalie seeing as they had hunted only two days earlier.

“I’m good,” she answers, gloved fingers resting against the spine of the book in her lap.

“Really?” Kate asks, blinking at her. “You haven’t hunted once since you got here and that’s, what, six weeks now?”

More than one pair of eyes turn to her and Bella’s mouth curls in response.

“We’re not her keepers,” Irina says as she breezes past.

“You want me to stay?” Carmen asks as she bends down to press a kiss to her cheek, her voice but a hum to the vampire’s around her, a breath of air against her skin as she pulled back.

“I’ll be fine,” Bella tells her and Carmen studies her for a moment before humming, allowing Eleazar to pull her along with a little laugh as he gave her a spin.

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he tells her with a little wink and Kate snorts beside them, Irina already impatiently at the tree lines outside and looking none too impressed.

Tanya is the last to arrive and Bella cranes her head up as a hand rests gently on her shoulder, pausing as the older vampire leant down to nuzzle gently against her neck and she reaches up, hand tangling in Tanya’s shirt as she tipped her head back a bit helplessly to a low purr – aware of the way the others were watching them but unable to care as her world centralized around the beautiful blonde coven leader.

“Be good,” Tanya murmurs against her skin and Bella inhales, reluctantly letting go as the other pulled back with a look that she didn’t know quite how to read.

“Have fun,” she murmurs, dipping down behind the pages of her book, pretending not to feel the brief brush of a hand over her hair.

And then they were gone and Bella was alone with Rosalie and Emmett, James heart beating a familiar staccato beat in place of her own, gaze shifting up to warily meet the golden eyes of Emmett as he sunk down on the foot chair she’d been neglecting to use.

“I want you to tell me be truth,” he tells her bluntly and she blinks at him. “Here and now, do you think – do you think you can ever begin to forgive me?”

There’s something heavy in his question, an unnecessary depth that she isn’t sure how to approach.

The book shuts, gloved hands settling on top of it.

“You’re not responsible for the actions of others,” she says.

“No,” he agrees. “I am responsible for my own and I claimed to love you only to leave you.”

Her fingers follows the hard line of the cover a bit absently, thumb worrying the corner of it before she forces them to still.

“I’m… confused,” she says finally. “You’re not–“ But she quiets, unsure how to frame it even as Emmett remains still, waiting patiently in a way that would have hit her as surreal once upon a time, a slight shift the only tell of his anxiousness. “Can I ask you something?” she says finally.

“Anything,” he agrees, leaning forward, elbows on his knees and hands clasped between them.

She slants burnt orange eyes up to meet his gaze, studying the short dark hair, the golden eyes, this bear of a man who’d lifted her up and spun her around, his hugs just a tad too tight, his slaps against her back hard enough to make her stumble even when he did his best to reign in his strength.

Bella reaches for anger – reaches for that frothing, horrible pit of emptiness inside of her, the violence that crept skin deep since her awakening as a vampire.

But her brain is busy purring at the memory of Tanya’s soft nuzzle, a strange sort of reassurance of _you’re safe _which made no sense.

Because Bella wouldn’t be safe until Victoria was well and truly gone.

And yet the anger won’t rise – doesn’t threaten to choke her, not here and now, not-

Not in front of the man she’d once desperately claimed as her big brother and loved greedily.

Edward tells her: _I don’t want you to come._

Bella hears: _I don’t want you._

Want and insecurity, afraid of not measuring up, of never being enough.

She’s the daughter of a woman who didn’t find happiness until she was well and truly out of her life and she comes to live with a father whose life she upheaves with her very existence.

And then, impossibly, she finds love with a boy who shows her a world she’d never dared to dream about.

And he gave her a second family – a mother who didn’t need her to look after her but delighted in looking after Bella and the steady presence of a father who didn’t try to take her choices out of her hands but respected her will.

Gave her siblings that were both complicated and uncomplicated in their love but uncompromising their promise to keep her safe.

Edward tells her: _You’re just not good for me._

Bella hears: _You’re just not good enough._

And Bella understands because she’s not good for anyone and she lets him leave because he tells her all her fears, seals it into words that hurt, and she stands along amidst the trees with a horrible realization in her chest and a roar in her head.

For no one comes for her and Edward is not a liar.

And her love hadn’t been enough, was never enough, and there’s no returning back to what was because Laurent waits for her in her childhood bedroom with her father’s body at his feet and misplaced kindness in his eyes.

“What happened – that night after we celebrated my birthday?”

Behind Emmett Rosalie turns her head to watch them but Bella hasn’t quite been able to muster up to meet blonde’s gaze, afraid of what she’d see there, a childish sort of feeling that she didn’t feel like fighting against.

A trepidation she doesn’t understand.

Emmett’s eyes flicks with visible surprise but then a little familiar wrinkle forms in his brow. “We had a vote,” he tells her. “And it was decided that it would be safer for you if we left.”

There’s irony there, considering her fate, and Bella lifts a hand – touching the pads of her gloves against her lips.

“That’s not what Edward told you, is it?” Rosalie says, her voice sharp and knowing.

“No,” Bella agrees. “That isn’t what he told me.” Emmett straightens up and Bella slants him a look. “I’m not sure how to answer your question,” she admits. “Am I supposed to be angry at you for choosing your family and mate over a human your brother met and fell in love with in a couple of months? You’ve been together for _years._ I can’t – I’m not worth that,” she says tiredly.

“You honestly believe that, do you?” Emmett asks, staring at her with an unfathomable look in his eyes.

Bella feels the hair at the back of her neck rise in response, something ugly curling through her and lips pulling back to reveal a flash of teeth. _“Human lives are fleeting,”_ she says in echo of the vampire who’d changed her, fingers trailing over the scar on her throat. “I’m-“

“You’re _what?_” Rosalie interrupts silkily and Bella stills in place, the grip on her throat tightening. “The human we risked everything for? Knowing that the Volturi would have us all dead if they found out what you knew?” Her breath rasps beneath her grip. “We upheaved our lives for you,” Rosalie says, so close now that Bella’s eyes are locked somewhere at her collarbone. “Do you think so little of us to believe that you didn’t matter after _everything_ we did?”

A tremble runs through her body, a pale face with golden eyes and blonde hair overlapping with a pale face with red hair and red eyes.

And.

Bella sees her father’s dead body, head snapped clean around and dangling twistedly where he hung slumped from Laurent’s hand and-

Her skin cracks but Rosalie’s hand snaps out, sealing around her wrist.

“Let go,” she says and Bella stares at her, violence in her blood, violence in her skin, violence in her _heart_ and-

She sees her mother – beautiful Renée with the flies in her gaping chest, eyes glassy and skin burnt beneath the Phoenix sun and'

“Bella-“ A warning now, Emmett’s voice a distant thing, a rumble building in her chest, venom pooling in her mouth and-

-

Bella comes to on her stomach, arms snapped tight against her back and someone seated on her back, a roar in her ears as she slowly becomes aware of the strange achiness of her limbs, the heaving of her chest and the trembles running through her body.

_Kill,_ her mind whispers as she stares blankly into the forest. _Killthemhavetokillthemhaveto-_

A tiny nose presses up against her jaw and her eyes flicks to James – to those glossy black eyes and the tufty blonde fur and the grey strands by his nose that she didn’t want to admit because he was _hers_ and-

A hand touches to her cheek and she’s too tired to flinch, everything dipping strangely around her.

And then all she sees is gold and it fills up her world.

“Done?” Rosalie asks, her head angled and her blonde hair draping like a curtain to pool into the sparkling white snow she found herself pushed face down into, a hand flat against the side of her head to make sure she didn’t move. “This isn’t how I imagined the day to go at all,” the blonde admits a bit ruefully and Bella can’t look away.

“I think you broke her, Rosie,” Emmett comments idly a bit away, legs crossed and watching the proceedings with his chin in his palm.

“Fuck off,” she snaps without looking away from the orange gaze of what had once been a terribly weak and clumsy human who’d barely given a tug at her instincts but _now_-

_Those who die violent deaths do not make good vampires,_ Rosalie thinks as the other vampire’s pupils grows and shrinks, not quite able to grasp and hold onto reality as she keeps gasping for small breaths that puffs against the tiny creature beside her.

“You need to center her, Rose,” Emmett tells her.

“I know.”

“That sorta involves more than what you’re doing.”

_“_I_ know.”_

Rosalie breathes in, out, forcing her hand to relax, mind mentally sorting through the many ways Emmett had grounded her but finally settles for a stiff stroke over Bella’s temple and short scruffy hair, eyes flicking up, watching her repeat it, pupils pinpricks in a sea of burnt orange.

“Fuck,” Rosalie breathes out but it lacks any real heat, that familiar feeling of a new bond a warm glow inside her chest.

_She needs you, _her brain urges and Rosalie pushes it down, keeping up the stroking as the younger vampire’s eyes slowly lidded, breath easing.

“You getting a feel for it?” Emmett asks when Bella is practically asleep – at a state of mental exhaustion that would leave her out of it for at least a couple of hours.

“I don’t know,” Rosalie admits with some frustration.

Emmett considers that. “You need me?” he asks.

Rosalie gives a stiff nod and Emmett pulls himself up, moving slow, giving her instincts the room to recall the familiarity of it as he sunk down beside her, hand sliding up and settling against the back of her neck in a grounding hold that allowed her to exhale, shoulders slowly easing.

“Why her?” Rosalie asks, staring down at the scarred visage of the girl.

“Because she needed you,” Emmett says simply. “And because you needed to help.”

“Was it-“ Rosalie looks down at her hand, at the strange sort of pride at having calmed the other down, at being able to help. “Was it this intent for you when we…?”

“I don’t know,” Emmett says, resting his cheek gently against her shoulder, watching keenly as Bella gave a little shudder, head turning weakly, begging for more as Rosalie’s hand strokes gently down and over her cheek and brow before continuing over dark brown strands.

“I’m not the right person for this,” she tells him, but her eyes doesn’t stray and Emmett smiles softly.

“I don’t know Rose,” he says. “I certainly couldn’t have imagined a better person.”

Sometimes Rosalie hates Emmett – hates him for the way he makes her want to be a better person when she is inherently selfish and well aware of it.

She had hated the way the human had upheaved their life but she had also, grudgingly, been happy for Edward because it had been interesting to see her otherwise broody brother turn into something else entirely, though she hadn’t been overly impressed with some of his… choices.

But after the baseball game, after finding the human almost dead, and then to see her nearly killed again after the disastrous birthday party-

Rosalie had been relieved because she’d agreed with Edward.

Bella simply wasn’t safe with them, not as long as he insisted on forcing her to remain human.

But now she was vampire anyway – miraculously alive but barely clinging to sanity and Rosalie understands for all that she wishes she didn’t because she’d _been there_. Had woken with Royce’s touch imprinted onto her very mind and skin, unable to scrub it away, her emotions raw and bleeding and _too much._

And-

“_Maternal_,” Rosalie breathes out, grasping for the word that described the bond that had slotted in place inside of her. “I need- I need her to feel _safe_.”

“Yeah?” Emmett checks and Rosalie gives a firm nod, an ache of a twisted old want inside of her making Emmett rumble gently too soothe as she squeezes her eyes shut.


End file.
